For the past couple of weeks I have had several things rattling around in my head that I felt like I needed to post. I have tried, but they inevitably ended up as drafts. The words just didn't come out right. Then I finally realized that it was because it wasn't what God wanted me to say. I'm not always the sharpest crayon in the box.
I'll have to admit that it really isn't something I'm comfortable sharing. I just tend to be the sort that keeps things to myself. Then I read Leah's post over at The Point. And the conviction was even stronger. God wants us to be transparent. He wants me to be transparent.
I will have to be honest with you, for the past several weeks I have absolutely been in the strongest grip of fear that I can ever remember being in. I became ill with some sort of virus that lasted about three weeks. Soon after that a young woman in our tiny little community was abducted. On the very same night there was also an unrelated murder. And a high speed police chase. We rarely experience serious crime in our small town, much less three events all in the same day. Then I read on the internet about a horrific car-jacking incident that ended in the deaths of a young couple. There are so many victims. So much evil. And our country is changing before our eyes, on a downward spiral. The list goes on and on. Turn on the news for five minutes and you'll be overwhelmed by all that is taking place. Combine the physical illness with all of the above and I became a basket case. And before I knew it, there I was paralyzed by fear. The fear that our community is no longer the safe place that we thought it was. The fear of not knowing what in the world will happen to our nation. The fear of something happening to my family. Fear begets more fear. And I am ashamed that I feel this way. It has been a struggle. Proverbs 29:25 tells us that, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." I have let my fear of man become a snare. The enemy knows our weaknesses.
I know that God is Sovereign. I know He is always in control. I believe it with all my heart. That's why this has thrown me for such a loop. But I know that God did not give me a Spirit of fear. So I am clinging to Isaiah 41:10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."